


Where do babies come from?

by Kaiko_Mikkusu



Category: The Simpsons
Genre: Armin Skinner AU, Other, Past Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 20:32:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15670764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiko_Mikkusu/pseuds/Kaiko_Mikkusu
Summary: Little Armin Quincy Tamzarian Skinner wants to know where babies come from. Gary Edward Chalmers gives him an unexpected answer.





	Where do babies come from?

Armin Skinner was a really curious 6 year old. He wanted to know where babies came from.  
Armin: Mom?  
Agnes: Hm.  
Armin: Where do babies come from?  
Agnes: Uh… you don’t know that I’m doing something!  
So then Armin decides to go to his dad.  
Armin: Dad?  
Sheldon: What is it?  
Armin: Where do babies come from?  
Sheldon: You’re too young to know, little man.  
So then Armin decided to ask his older adoptive brother, 8 year old Seymour.  
Armin: Seymour!  
Seymour: Armin? There’s something?  
Armin: Where do babies come from?  
Seymour: Welp. Well when two people love each other very much they get married. And out of there, then comes a baby.  
Armin: But what about me? Did my biological parents love each other? Why did they leave me?  
Seymour: Your biological parents left you because they were poor illegal immigrants from Armenia, and could’nt afford to raise a baby. I’m sure they love each other. Just, they should have decided to get married later on, like Ned and Maude, who aren’t married yet.  
Armin: Why are there a lot of single parents then!  
Seymour: Because often a parent suddenly dies or is forced to move somewhere else.  
Armin: If we are suppose to reproduce and evolve in this way, then why aren’t there more gay or lesbian couples? Two boys or two girls can genuinely love each other too.  
Seymour: There are all-male and all-female communities throughtout America. The all-male communities are known as the Gay Communities, and the all-female communities as the Lesbian Communities.  
Armin: What about people whose parents hate each other?  
Seymour: Because they didn’t get the right kid.  
Armin: What about before St.s Jesus and Nicholas invented marriage 1000 years ago?  
Seymour: Everyone goes to heaven when they die, they just go to their personal heaven, because everyone believes they’ve been good in their own unique way. This means that everyone’s a saint. And almost everything was invented by saints. But marriage… marriage was invented by God itself.  
Armin: Okay. I’m going to Gary!  
And so, Armin went across the streets down to Gary’s house. The chestnut-haired, black-eyed, freckly 12 year old was moving the lawn.  
Armin: Gary! Hi Gary!  
Gary: What’s it, little man?  
Armin: Seymour told me how kids are born. According to him, when two people love each other they get married and a baby pops out.  
Gary: No, that’s not how it happens. It’s usually the contrary!  
Armin: What?  
Gary: Two people get drunk. They have sex. She gets pregnant and a baby pops out nine months later. They get married to make the baby legittimate, and then pretend to love each other for 18 years, and then divorce, she gets everything his, and he becomes homeless until some stoned college boys take him in. He marries a college girl, they run off to Mexico, and have another kid. The ex-wife uses his money and status to get big and become the CEO of the company he works for, and fires him.   
Armin: Oh my duck.


End file.
